Kaiden Blake

Lately I have been so nostalgic. I've been re-running old TV shows in my head, reminiscing upon childhood memories, and childhood toys.



Remember those things? It seemed as if everyone owned a pair of these in first and second grade. It didn't matter if you were a guy or girl - you had them just to collect them. I remembered being so fascinated by them. Oh, the days of being amused easily. I still am many times to a degree.



Then came along that great little thing we all called "Pogs." My brother had an extensive collection, and we would play for hours on end. Cardboard circles? That's why I love the 90's. It didn't matter if it made sense or was a simplistic design or song - everyone lapped it up like a dehydrated dog.



More recently came the Blue-Vanilla slurpee from 711. Anyone that knows me even on a small level, knows how I am with slurpees - I can't get enough. This was my absolute favorite flavor. I used to drive up to the store every single day (or multiple times) just to get one of these things. Of course, my favorite flavors are always the limited edition drinks, so it soon was discontinued. Tragic.



Jazz Pepsi, mhm. Whenever I buy soda in the house, it's gone in a heartbeat because soda is the equivalent to water in my house. However, this wasn't so with Jazz; I was the only person out of anyone I knew who actually liked drinking that stuff. It was fun while it lasted - these limited edition drinks are killing me.

On a slightly different note, things are so hectic lately. I'm not in the mood to be philosophical tonight due to a horrid headache, but I'm making a pact with myself to start writing daily.



What sorts of things do you miss from your childhood?

Normally when one thinks of an intervention, visions of drug addicts with legs flailing in the air tied down to a stretcher arise. I am hosting an intervention for my own life. For years I have been hibernating. I have displayed myself as such a blank, lifeless figure. This pertains to the internet, as well as offline. I miss expressing myself. I miss feeling emotion. It's been years since I've taken the time out to write something meaningful - something that provokes thousands of people around the world to hone in and indulge. I miss the fan mail I received from years back from individuals telling me I had given them hope. I miss "feeling" the potential I have, not solely catching glimpses. I am finally letting all the baggage go, both physically and mentally. The hair is hacked off, I'm going to start excercising and eating healthier, I'll be reading, writing, modeling, and focusing on my career again. I've spent my life living as if it were empty, and it is anything but that. It is beautiful, so long as I take out the time to embrace it. I want to thank everything, both symbolically and tangibly, for kicking me in the ass, so to speak. I can't express how much happiness is just pouring within me - spilling and churning through every last crevice. It's the sort of feeling you experience in the morning as the sun shines upon you, as you feel the warmth caressing your skin. The goosebumps you get when you feel that life is surrounding you, gently waking you up from such a deep slumber. A thousand novels could never express this feeling of euphoria.

To a fresh start,
Kaiden

My stress has finally climaxed tonight, peaking at a point of complete and utter discomfort. The past few weeks have been a whirwind of emotions - highs, lows, and grey-areas. I've rarely slept, the future is finally not a positive concept, support has been lacking, and overall, I am barely managing to slip by. It seems every miniscule detail is overshadowed nowadays. I haven't been able to hone in on thought processes, my art, individuals - nothing. 20/20 vision has never felt more opaque. I don't believe I have ever felt more "blank" in my entire lifetime up until this very moment. So blank, in fact, I can no longer disguise my words to form a masquerade of perception. I'll attempt sleep tonight and see where my R.E.M. winds up. Good night.